Why I'm not a self-help writer

It's because sometimes, I'm an ass. An ass can't help itself to anything but

crap. or farting. I've read quite a few self-help books and I've read in most accounts that the author was an ass at some point in her life. Strangely enough, this doesn't comfort me. at all.

The worst kind of assness, or the being that takes on the nature of ass, is when I'm being an ass and I don't know it. Wait. There's something much worse. It's when I'm being a total ass, and I'm convinced that I'm a prince.

Right now, you guessed it. I'm the prince of asses. I'm a boss in a company. Nobody directly reports to me, but I outrank almost everyone. Tell me another situation where it's easier to unknowingly, unconsciously, and inexorably become the ass prince.

I just caught myself becoming the king of asses. I almost wrote a sentence invoking sympathy.

Oh no no no. No sympathy for me tonight. I'm not going to plead or make excuses by invoking circumstances. I will however, share that I've been so caught up with the things I'm doing and getting done, getting pleased with myself at every turn, that I've become less, much less sensitive to how I'm presenting myself to others.

I'm not being present to the present. If I were, then I would have avoided instances where I failed to acknowledge the contribution of others in an undertaking, or I'd get how withering my very presence is to someone whose work I'm not satisfied with.

On the other end of the vanity spectrum is self-flagellation. Any further writing like the preceding would be me boasting of my own sudden powers of self-awareness.

I don't have to be an ass anymore. I'm apologizing to the people whom I've offended, and move on. A self-help writing career isn't really a goal that lights me up. But to be a gentleman, is pretty inspiring right now.